Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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