I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
