You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
