yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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