Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize