omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize