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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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