did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
