i only shaved half my leg
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I could fuck to npr.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus