So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
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I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.