I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize