I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
