look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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