i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
