Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize