I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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