There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
