When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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