maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
