Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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