So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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