I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
