I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize