So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
