Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
