I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
