i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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