You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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