he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
