I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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