My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
