the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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