Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
