I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
