my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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