ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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