Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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