I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
