mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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