First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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