it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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