Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
