dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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