how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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