so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize