I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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