dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
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so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
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Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums