Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
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Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
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So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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