i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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