im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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