I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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