Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
